In the Tibetan literature they say, “Embrace your ten thousand horrible demons and your ten thousand beautiful demons.” You’ve just got to take it all and keep going. All your fears have to be embraced, entertained, honored, and you go on with them.
– Ram Dass
They stood out there on the edge of everything looking down.
"Are you ready?" She asked with a soft smile her hand holding his.
Their fingers loosely intertwined.
"Yeah." He sighed. "You know I hate this."
"I know you do but it’s how it works. Ya know?" She reminded him sweetly. She knows this always hurts him more than it hurts her.
"It just takes so long." He said his voice was nearly a whisper. He stood there nostrils flared as he alternated between chewing he cheek and biting his bottom lip. Nervous, eyes squinting in thought.
"But you always find me don’t you?" She mustered a reassuring smile giving his fingers a small tug. Their hands hanging there together. Their fingers bent and twisted holding one another.
"I do." He muttered as he continued to abuse his bottom lip staring out at the white glare of nothing.
"God it takes so fucking long." He added as his fingers twisting tighter around her’s.
"Yeah. Sometimes it does. Then other times it doesn’t. What about that one time?" She reminded him excitedly.
"Yeah, the one time. And the rest? What about those?" He reminded her only turning to look at her for a moment then back out into the nothing.
He was so tired. His chest hurt to think about it how long it
takes to find her.
She is always so strong and so brave. She does it for him. She has to hold him up at times like this. God knows he holds her up when he finally finds her. Everything he does is for her. The books, the songs, the poetry… it’s all for her. Every birth he finds her and makes some grand statement of love to her. Sometimes it’s met with a teary eyed hug. Other times a shrug of her soft cruel shoulders.
"We have to go." She reminded him. Her fingers slowly releasing his.
His hands hung heavy at his sides as he stared off into that familiar white expanse of light.
His head shook softly in disgust for the pain he was now feeling. He knew that the only way to shut it off was to step out into the suffering with her.
As she stepped out into the nothingness he followed. His eyes closed tightly. He tried to recall all of her faces he had known. Flipping through them like old photos until it became harder and harder to remember her. Until she was only an urge, a feeling. Something he forgot but knew he needed to remember.